In a recent post, I wrote about the slightly frantic nature of school mornings in our house. I have since found a clip of Outnumbered on YouTube which had me laughing out loud in recognition!
Another time of the day that tends to be busy every day is bedtime, and the time leading up to this. After a bath/shower and a story, it's time for the boys to settle down to bed. It's really important to me that each of them has time when we chat one-to-one before I sing to them (even Harry, my ten-year-old, still likes me to sing to him, although not if he has a friend sleeping over :-)), say prayers and say goodnight. I have found that it is one of the times that they really like to talk about things that are on their minds, as it is quieter with fewer distractions.
Once the children are in bed, I then have the rest of the evening to myself. Most evenings I potter around doing bits and pieces in the house, perhaps getting things ready for the next day, doing some work, catching up with people on the phone or computer or reading (or writing the blog!). Sometimes I am really tired and don't have the energy to do much other than have a bath and go straight to bed! One evening last week, I felt like I was coming down with a cold and felt a bit below par. The phone went just after I had got into the bath and by the time I had got out, it was late. It had been my mum on the phone just phoning to say hello and have a chat. Although I didn't speak to her that evening, her phone call, and just hearing her voice on the answerphone, really lifted me. And the thing is, mum didn't know then that her call had meant as much that evening in particular; we often speak on the phone and this night was no different to any of the others in many ways, except for the fact that her phoning made an especial difference to how I felt that night.
Sometimes our thoughts and words of kindness or encouragement mean a lot more to people than we realise at the time, and sometimes we may not realise the extent of the impact of them at all. Sometimes people say something in passing that can really speak to us and stay with us for a long time. Sometimes we can read something that encourages us and lifts us which we can refer to again and again.
Support and encouragement may come to us, but it may be necessary at times for us to reach out for support from others when we need it, although this can be hard to do; it is certainly something that I have found difficult to do at times. I was reading a book recently which wrote specifically about how fellow mums can support and encourage each other, and that this has to start with honesty; the old saying 'a problem shared is a problem halved' rings very true - but the problem needs to be acknowledged and shared in the first place if it is going to be halved. I am very thankful that I have people to whom I can turn and say 'I am finding this difficult', and they help to give me the love and support that I need - this includes a listening ear and, often, a good dose of perspective (and humour!) that is much-needed and helps a great deal.
The encouragement that we get matters, as does the encouragement we give, and we may not be aware of how far-reaching what we say and do might be. Let us look for opportunities to encourage and support others where we can and let them know that they are thought of. Related to parenting and giving support to others on a wider scale, I think particularly of the group I have mentioned before in this blog, Mums in Durham, that has offered so much support to other mums in the Durham area and is celebrating its first anniversary this week. I also think of two friends of mine who have recently published a book and set up a website which will help new dads and support families experiencing parenthood for the first time.
Their efforts will continue to impact upon many, many people, known and unknown, as our efforts can also make a big difference to others, known and unknown.
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